I Was Rather Disappointed

I was 5 years old when I first questioned the value of my life
I don't know why the ignorant bliss most kids experience fully missed me but it did
My mother was dropping me off at the schoolyard when I asked her if I was a mistake
I could tell I disturbed her
And though these thoughts run constant yet
They were the birth of many troubling years to come

Please forgive me mama
I know that it killed you inside
Your tears weren't for nothing
I'm having the time of my life

By the time I was twelve I was fully convinced I wanted to die
I saw no love or beauty in anything
My reflection disgusted me and all I had were bad thoughts now
My problems felt unimportant and I insignificant in my own home
I saw how badly my mother was hurting too
The last thing I wanted was to burden her further so I thought it best I go to sleep for a very long time
But when I woke I was rather dissapointed

Please forgive me mama
I know that it killed you inside
Your tears weren't for nothing
I'm having the time of my life

At 16 years old I dropped out of school and decided to give the old happy pills a chance
Pills didn't seem to help too much though
My faculties continued to fail me time and time again
It was at my childhood friend's birthday that I really lost it
Smashing my head into my poor mothers car
I was hospitalised shortly after

Please forgive me mama
I know that it killed you inside
Your tears weren't for nothing
I'm having the time of my life
Please forgive me mama
I know that it killed you inside
Your tears weren't for nothing
I'm having the time of my life

Hey Romy, it's your mom
Please give me a call
I don't know if you want some [?]
Me and dad are trying to reach you
Making sure everything is okay

I'm having the time of my life