Kiss Me You Fool

I don't know much about art but I can tell you this:
Duchamp's Urinal is a piece of piss
Van Gogh cut off his ear to spite his face - so what!
Me, I've got a message for the whole human race:
I wanna be a phallic symbol like the Tower of Pisa
And wipe the smile off the face of that bitch the Mona Lisa
I'll date Botticelli's Venus just to tease her
But unless you're hung like a Jackson Pollock
You couldn't please her!

Funk you! And funk your mother
Funk your sister, funk your auntie
And funk your little brother
When you've learnt how to funk one another
Don't leave that groovy thing on the shelf
Go home to the one you love and -
Funk yourself!

As Galileo said, "And yet it moves!"
While Oppenheimer splits the atom
And Newton finds the groove
But me, I agree with Einstein
Who put it so much simpler,
"I want to end as it began
With one big bang, not a whimper!"

Funk you! Funk quantum physics
When you've proved their theories wrong
You can go and funk the cynics
Take a proton pill as you butt-funk the critics
You're an E=MC squared (that's your life! )
Well, funk you buddy and -
Funk your wife!

Sexual psychology fascinates me more than art or science
I've attempted intercourse with every household appliance
A girl came to my clinic, I guess you'd call her a client
She wouldn't touch my pinkies, which I found so defiant
I said, "My psycho-analyst will love you, cos you look just like my sister."
She said, "But I've got no arms, and armless girls cannot play Twister!"
She tried to take my pants off and she had to use her teeth
But her stiff upper lip got caught in the metal zip

Funk you! And funk your mother
Funk your sister, funk your auntie and funk your little brother
When you've learnt how to funk one another
Don't leave that groovy thing on the shelf
Go home to the one you love and -
Home to the one you love and -
Home to the one you love and -
Funk yourself!