A Healthy Normal American Boy

(Reporters asking questions-spoken)
Reporter 1: How does Conrad feel about going into the army?
JA: How does he feel? You ask how he feels. He's much too shy to tell you so I'll tell you how he feels. He feels brave and eager, strangely humble. Proud to be a plain G.I.
VW: He would gladly, face those bullets, for he's not afraid to die.
ch: For he's a fine abstanding patriotic, healthy normal American boy.
JA (spoken): And that's why he volunteered.
Reporter 2 (spoken): Volunteered? I heard he appealed 3 times!
VW (spoken):Sing!
ch: We love you Conrad, oh yes we do, we love you Conrad, and we'll be true. When you're not near us, we're blue/ OH Conrad we love you.
Reporter 3 (spoken): What's the picture on you and that Hollywood star? Are you two engaged?
VW (spoken): Is he engaged? Is Conrad engaged? There's absolutely nothing to the rumor he's engaged.
JA: She's a real pal., like a sister, but it doens't mean a thing. And that 18 karat diamond, it was just a friendship ring.
ch: For he's a fine abstanding patriotic, healthy normal American boy.
Reporter 4 (spoken): Then why was her husband so mad?
JA (spoken): Sing!
ch: We love you Conrad, oh yes we do, we love you Conrad, and we'll be true.
JA (spoken): Why, I'll never forget Conrad's first word's when he heard he'd been accepted into the armed forces. 'Gee Mr. Peterson' he cried eagerly, 'Do you think they'll assign me to one of those frontline trenches (army talk here I don't know what they're saying)
Reporter 5 (spoken): Is it true you found Conrad in a reform school?
VW & JA: That is a lie. A lie through and through. I'll tell you where he
came from here's the story and it's true.
VW: He was born in Indo-China.
JA: He was born in old Virginia
VW: Son of missionaries there.
JA: On a thousand acre farm.
VW: Very poor and very hungry
JA: From a line of wealthy planters.
VW: What a cruel life to bear.
JA: (I can't understand this part but it's something to do with being rich I'm guessing)
VW: Then he drifted down to Hong Kong
JA: (More stuff I don't get)
VW: In a waterfront saloon.
JA: In the moonlight he would croon.
VW: That is where we heard him singing.
JA: That's where Conrad started singing.
VW: 'neath that diry Hong Kong moon
JA: 'neath that old plantation moon.
(while VW and JA sing "America", chorus sings the conrad theme song-it's all
one big integrated mess)
ch: We love you COnrad, oh yes we do, we love you Conrad, and we'll be true. When you're not near us, we're blue. Oh Conrad we love you.
VW & JA (over chorus): Oh beautiful for spaceious skies for amber waves of grain. America, America, g-d shed his grace on thee.
All: For he's a fine abstanding patriotic, healthy normal American boy.