"My Life's Getting Pretty Bad.
My Dad Just Stole My Porno Mag.
He Took the One With the Really Flyass Chick.
I Didn't Know What to Do,
So I Walked Right Into His Room.
Dad Was Getting Busy,
Mom Was Sucking On His...
Dictionaries Have Me Pictured Under Pathetic,
And If You Read It, It Would Say
That My Life's a Living Hell, I Need Some Mental Help, I Need to Get Ahold
Of Myself.

It's the Story of My Life That I Can't Go Out Tonight,
Because I Didn't Come Home After Class.
And It's the Story of My Life That I Can't Go Out Tonight,
So Now I'm Stuck Here At Home, Stuck All Alone, Stuck Right Here On My Ass.

My Life's Nothing But a Bore.
The Girl I Like Is a Dirty Whore.
My Life's Going Nowhere But Down the Drain.
Each Night I Sit Up Waiting For Someone to Call Me.
My Mom Caught Me Masturbating to Scrambled Spice Tv.
Dictionaries Have Me Listed Under Loser,
I'm Pretty Sure It Used to Say
That My Life's a Living Hell, I Need Some Mental Help, I Need to Get Ahold of
Myself.

It's the Story of My Life That I Can't Go Out Tonight,
Because I Didn't Come Home After Class.
And It's the Story of My Life That I Can't Out Tonight,
So Now I'm Stuck Here At Home, Stuck All Alone, Stuck Right Here On My Ass."