SHREK (voice over):
Once upon a time, there was a little ogre named Shrek,
who lived with his parents in a bog by a tree.
It was a pretty nasty place but he was happy because ogres like nasty.
On his birthday the little ogre's parents sat him down
to talk just as all ogre parents had for hundreds of years before.

MOTHER OGRE:
Listen son, you're growing up so quickly
Growing up, bigger by the day

FATHER OGRE:
Although we want you here, the rules are very clear

MOTHER OGRE:
Now you're seven

FATHER OGRE:
Now you're seven

OGRE PARENTS:
So it's time to go away

FATHER OGRE:
Your Mama packed a sandwich for your trip

MOTHER OGRE:
Your Papa packed your boots in case of snow

OGRE PARENTS:
You're gonna make us proud, no backing up allowed

MOTHER OGRE:
Just keep walking

FATHER OGRE:
Just keep hawking

OGRE PARENTS:
And you'll find somewhere to go
It's a big, bright, beautiful world
With happiness all around
It's peaches and cream
And every dream comes true
But not for you
It's a big, bright, beautiful world
With possibilities everywhere
And just around the bend
There's a friend or two
But not for you

MOTHER OGRE:
We're ugly son which means that life is harder
People hate the things they cannot understand

FATHER OGRE:
And when they look at us they tend to make a fuss

MOTHER OGRE:
Burn our houses down

FATHER OGRE:
And chase us

OGRE PARENTS:
Off our land

FATHER OGRE:
It's important that you find a cozy cesspit

MOTHER OGRE:
A place no one would ever dare to tread

OGRE PARENTS:
And if they happen by, make sure you terrify them

MOTHER OGRE:
If you don't son

FATHER OGRE:
If you don't son

OGRE PARENTS:
Then you'll surely wind up dead

MOTHER OGRE:
Goodbye

FATHER OGRE:
Goodbye

MOTHER OGRE:
Watch out for men with pitchforks

SHREK (voice over):
And so, the little ogre went off and found a muddy patch of swamp land far,
far away from the world that despised him.
There he stayed for many years,
tucked away and all alone, which was just the way he liked it.

SHREK:
Keep your big, bright, beautiful world
I'm happy where I am, all alone
I've got all I need
So read the stinkin' sign, haha

Keep your big, bright, beautiful world
I party on my own anyway
Doing what I can with a one man conga line

Yeah, your big, bright, beautiful world
Is all teddy bears and unicorns
Take your fluffy fun
And shove it where the sun don't shine

I prefer a life like this
It's not that complicated
Sure I'm fated to be lonely
And I'm destined to be hated
If you read the books they say
That's why I was created
But I don't care
Coz being liked
Is grossly overrated

Who needs a big, bright, beautiful world
I've got my own little patch on the world
It's not a big, bright, beautiful world
But it's mine
Alone, it's mine
And it's mine
All mine!