I Wish I Were a Real Alaskan Girl

Oh, I wish I were a real Alaskan girl
I wish that I could hold my beer
I could wear hip waders in summer and heels at ten below
I'd have sexy wooly legs with long and flowing frozen hair
Oh to be a scowgirl in the Last Frontier
Where chicks run the Iditarod and win it
Oh, I could wrench on my own goose and I would jerk my own moose
And I'd drive a huge domestic truck and actually haul stuff in it

A little less sugar, little more spice
A whole lot of fire and even more ice
From Kotzebue to Ketchikan, from Dead Horse to Attu
Alaskan chicks can teach a city girl like me a thing or two

Oh, I wish I were a real Alaskan girl
Because I hear that they kick ass
Oh, it's easy to see why a local woman's in demand
The guys have to queue up for years to get a chance to hold your hand
I'd find me some big burly bush pilot boy
I would hook and reel him in and fiancé him
But if he ever double-crossed me or tried to do me wrong
I wouldn't hardly hesitate to skin, gut, and filet him

I'd shoot more than a camera at the animals and such
I'd eat Rudolph for breakfast and Bullwinkle for lunch
Alaskan girls are fearsome and fearless by design
They kill mosquitoes with a look and mess with trusting tourists' minds

They're ruggedly handsome in their way
They're wild and free and meant to be that way
So from Jakalof to Juneau raise a glass to a proud and
confident and deserving Alaskan woman you know
And from Beaver to Tatitlek, here's to ladies who understand that their
self-image should have nothing whatsoever to do with their shade of
lipstick
I wish I were a real Alaskan girl, but when it comes down to it
For most of us, Los Anchorage is gonna have to do it